I have a little problem . . .

I can’t return library books on time. Now, mind you, I always show up for appointments on time, I pay my bills on time, I walk my dog at the same time every day, rain or shine (on in my case shine or shine), but I can’t seem to get to the library on time.

I have two library cards which I play off like credit cards. I check on line to see where my fine is smallest before choosing which library to patronize. I’m hyper vigilant in monitoring my fines, but yesterday I slipped up. To remain on GOOD borrower status, you have to keep your fine under $5.00. Yesterday, I walked into the library as bold as can be, and chose three books to check out. After my card was scanned twice, I started to get that panicky feeling I often get in libraries . . .

My current fine, $4.60 . . . ah, it was a relief, I’m just under the limit. They let me have my book. My current fine at the other library is just $1.75, so I’ll have to use that card for a while.

Unfortunately, this is not just a current problem. I’ve had a lifelong issue with library fines. More than a few times I’ve claimed to have ‘lost’ or had my card ‘stolen’ so I could get a new card with no fines.

It’s like a bad Seinfeld episode . . . I think I left overdue library materials in my childhood bedroom. So if the library police call you looking for me, say you don’t know me . . . .